Belonging to NO city
I am 26.
I still don’t know who I truly am.
I am still finding my individuality and my definition.
Question is : Is it really a bad thing?
I have a heart and mind which are NEVER in sync. Although I am still struggling to be comfortable in this ambiguity, the problem is that it is exhausting. Being at a constant war with oneself is as tiring as it can be. This leads to extreme levels of constant argument with my own self as to do or not to do — To be or not to be.
I am living in pseudo escapism where I will face a situation till the time I find a door to escape. Travel is my one such escape. Coming from an army background, I don’t have any roots and I don’t feel bad about it . In-fact its one of the most liberating thing in my life. I get to be a banyan tree- a huge one. I am yet to see a Banyan tree jungle. They say , you cant find the real trunk of the tree.
These days every other person calls himself a traveler. By the time I was in 12th, I had changed 9 schools and 8 states. The only states I have not been to yet are Orissa, Bihar, Tripura and Lakshwadeep Islands. Additionally, two foreign tours later , if someone calls me a “traveler”, I feel shy.
I am far away from being one you see. And this is certainly not the modesty speaking. I think I have just held this term, “traveler”, in very high regard. I am yet to be one. I travel for a really selfish reason - Its the only time I feel lost and found at the same time.
There has never been a sunset I haven’t loved and a sunrise that I haven’t ogled at with my mouth open. There has never been a wave I have not been thrilled about or a falling tree leaf I have not smiled at. NO MATTER, how many times I have witnessed this love from nature, I have always felt comforted the same way. At times I wonder whether I am escaping life through these experiences, or, saving the life not to escape me.
These small things of beauty turn me speechless, and then turn me into a story teller.
