My space mission
SPACE as dictionary defines it is ‘a continuous area or expanse which is free, available, or unoccupied’. Yet it’s so difficult to understand what it means for different people.
Till the time I was living with my family I did not have much comprehension for what my space was. Indian families are so into each others lives, that there is not much headroom even with there are a lot of rooms(in a house) per se. When I told my mom that I wanted some personal space when I was 13, my mom replied, ‘There are 4 rooms in this apartment what more do you want !!’ After I went to my hostel for my under graduate studies I discovered this beautiful loneliness which I loved. I started creating my safe place where I could think anything I want, do anything I want, explore whatever I want and sometimes just be without any judging or prying eyes of others. I feel free in these mini places I make for myself.
So when my then boyfriend, now husband asked me to move in with him, I was so apprehensive not because I didn’t love him but I just didn’t want to jeopardise this safe space for anyone. Also I didn’t know if he will understand my need of having it. After an entire session of me sharing this concern and him reassuring me and I trusting him we moved in.
But, when has things worked out the way you think they will. It took a great amount of time for us to navigate the way around each other. I realised that I had progressed from ‘having’ the space to ‘claiming’ my space. And when I did that, he felt I don’t like spending time with him. When in reality it was just me wanting to spend some time with me. It was so exhausting reassuring my partner that I am not angry, I am not sad and neither am I mad, I just need it to feel in touch with me. I think one of the biggest mistakes that I did was to not think of it while looking for a house. I love spending time with my husband but there comes a time in the day when I just feel like being invisible. Because everything in our house was ours, there was no place mine.
I cant stress this enough how important it is for everyone to have this dimension in their place of living where they can just be. True, everyone has it different. Some might need a lot of it and some might just need a tiny bit of it. I am yet to meet a person who does not wish for this space. It reduces so much stress, it makes you build some amount of control over your life and sometimes it just helps you do nothing and feel good about it.
Its lockdown and we cant change houses, but my next house will definitely have this small room where no one is allowed. I can just retire there and build on my thoughts over a cup of coffee or just you know.., sleep.Currently, I make do with the space between my side of the bed and the window. I have communicated to my husband how important it is for him to not be around when I am in there and I think he realises that it is in-fact healthy for me and consecutively for our relationship as well. It’s like how likes gaming, it helps him sync his thoughts and focus, for me its being alone. It’s not only us, but I have seen a lot of couples who struggle to gauge each others way of having personal space and respecting it. I too had a hard time adjusting to the fact that when my husband is gaming, he in-fact is in his personal space. It’s been just 6 months for us living together and 4 months into our marriage, but I guess we will be able to get it eventually.
