How difficult can it be moving countries ? I was very excited to move on from India to Singapore. I had been lately dreaming about this. I in a completely different set up, meeting new people, learning new ways and finding my own path amongst this chaos. Things which would frighten most people was filling me up with an upsurge of excitement and wonder. My day-dreaming just wouldn't end.
In what seemed like an eternity, there came the day when I was finally leaving. I waved a teary eyed goodbye to my parents, lovable hugs to my friends and uncountable promises to keep in touch. As my aircraft was taxing and heading on to take off into the midnight clouds — it hit me — I was really going away. I was leaving a life behind and entering into a territory I knew nothing about. I reminded myself of the numerous times I had changed cities and how excited I used to be. But this was different, as the aircraft was moving forward, the pit in my stomach was getting deeper and deeper. I felt better only when I let my emotions run free for a while, trying to block out the perplexed uncles sitting on both my sides appearing absolutely weirded out.
Singapore was all I had imagined it to be. But still I found myself struggling for a month. I have never missed a place so much in my entire lifetime as I have missed being in India. Although just 5 hours away from my country, psychologically I was not able to attune myself to the fact that I have not really come that far in terms of distance. In this near perfect atmosphere I missed far from perfect world that I had left behind. It wasn’t depressing per say, but not entirely a happy place either.
The biggest thing that hits you when you leave your comfort zone is : The sense of being a nobody. Back from where I came, I was a somebody. Four years of relationships and work had cultivated an atmosphere where in not an alley went by when I didn’t wave my hand to greet someone. Office messenger wouldn’t stop buzzing over one thing or the other — casual or professional. Every evening had a plan and for the evenings that didn’t have a plan — it had flatmates pouring in into my room. Now walking the corridors of my esteemed university, with thousands of people coming in from all directions but not one known face makes me feel a little off.
This sense of being a nobody, this phase where the only person you can actually rely on is you is probably the best thing which is happening to me. It is very uncomfortable but it is worth it. It has brought to my notice the deepest layers of my personality, I have got more in touch with myself and consecutively contributed manifolds to my individuality. I think this was very important. This experience has perforated my ego and pride and gave a new dimension to what “acceptance” is all about. “Letting go” is not a phrase anymore, it has a meaning now.
After a month of landing here, it is now that I have started connecting with this place. I am making friends, but I have started enjoying my own company as well. I think the best advice in life at times is to
“Just Hang In There”
