Temporarily closed for self maintenance
Its funny how in-spite of reading/ reminding / telling yourself one thing again and again that “you are the pilot of your own life” you end up doing exactly the opposite. You gladly give someone else the control of your life, thoughts and present. At-least that is exactly what I did, and I keep doing it innumerable times. But, now I just want to stop.
The first time when I realized how low my confidence has gotten because of this is when I quite literally blanked out in a very simple presentation. Yes it was embarrassing, it was awkward and it was extremely nerve wrecking when you are just listening to your fast breaths but no words on the mike you are holding. You suddenly become aware of the people who are looking at you and “BAMM” you suddenly loose the ability to form words. “I am sorry, I am nervous” , that’s what I finally came up with eventually. I know some people term this as stage fright. I never had these things before, before I let people take control.
So , here is my master plan to gain back the lost self love and confidence .
- Look the part
As they say — fake it till you make it. So I shall try to do just that. For me , it has always been the opposite, I need to feel confident to look confident. Clearly, that hasn’t worked. SO, how about I reverse it. I shall look confident, maybe I will graduate to the feeling confident part eventually.
2. No negative self talk
I enter a shop, try on the cute shorts, think — Shit I have gained, wont shop till I lose it, come out empty handed. My friend gives me a pastry, I look at it longingly, she nudges me to eat it , I obviously crib a little of how I need to check on my weight and before I know it , that rascal of a piece is in my mouth seducting my taste buds to another dimension, I finish it, I feel guilty.
I should do the things I want to do and learn to be unapologetic about it , specially to myself. After-all, thoughts influence actions.
Also, If I am not kind to myself how can I expect others to be.
3. Eliminate people who inflict self doubt
I know I get too involved too fast with people. Obviously, I haven’t done a great job in getting my judgments about them right. I start getting affected very soon. And its really wierd that if a hundred of these people say something positive and even one says something negetive, its that one person who will go on and on in my mind and have me royally screw my day. So, how about I eliminate these people after knowing them.
From now on, I will be away from people who make me feel miserable about myself.
4. My own personal “bright card”
Its a small exercise that I read somewhere. Writing a letter to oneself explaining why do you think you are proud of yourself. I shall write it too and would read it again and again whenever I need any kind of validation.
I will stop seeking validations from the outside.
5. Act , stop thinking
I will do what I want to do from now on. I will focus my thoughts on the reasons I can rather than on the reasons I can’t.
I have realized whenever I think too much I generally ruin it. I just need to know when the thinking is turning into over-thinking. I have made enough mistakes already; what possibly could make things even worse. 😜
I need to really start making the best of all the opportunities that are falling my way.
As someone has rightly said, the less time we spend on managing life, the more we can spend on engaging in it.
6. Bridge the gap between who I want to be and who I am
I guess everyone has two versions of themselves — who they aspire to be and who they really are.
I think it is high time I start bridging the gap between the two. I know they say — love yourself for who you are. I am already trying that, but that shouldn't stop me from evolving into a better person. I think I am going to make small goals for myself and try to achieve them. These goals can be as small as “going for a jog tomorrow morning” or “read a few pages of your novel before bed” . Such small things which I can achieve. Hopefully this should make me feel a little better about myself.
7. Self affirmations
This is what I will say to myself from now on first thing in the morning :
“What I want is already here, all I have to do is get it. I can and I will do it”
“I am living with a purpose and passion”
“I am worthy of having what I want”
Wish me luck.
